> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.changeout.org/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Friends at work? - URL: https://www.changeout.org/friends-at-work/ - Published: 2026-10-16T12:15:00.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-16T12:16:04.000Z - Description: A year on from my toxic workplaces videos, here is what hundreds of comments taught me, and why so many people say there are no friends at work. - Author: Lucy Caldicott - Tags: blog A year ago this month I was travelling in India, and three videos I'd recorded and uploaded before I left were busy doing something I hadn't expected. I'd started the channel that summer, and in the early months it was very much a case of dancing like nobody was watching, because nobody was. I had about sixty subscribers. But I carried on with weekly videos testing different ideas and themes and a short series on toxic workplaces was one of them: ten signs you're in one, what to do if you can't leave, and how leaders can reset a culture. All three had been recorded and uploaded before we flew to Amritsar. All of a sudden, while we were away, people were watching. The first has now been watched more than 50,000 times. Together the three have passed 70,000 views, and the channel now has over 26,000 subscribers, which is incredible. Those numbers might be excellent for my ego but they aren't the important thing. It's the comments people wrote under the videos that have humbled and surprised me. Dozens of people said some version of "all of my workplaces have been like this." One man told me he'd had a stomach ache every Sunday evening from the age of eight until he was forty-nine. Another said you don't realise how toxic a workplace was until you arrive somewhere that isn't, and that it took thirty years of working life to find a healthy place to work. The comment that stood out was on the second video. I'd suggested finding support among colleagues because that's what I'd done twenty years ago when I'd had a difficult boss. One of the most-liked replies said there are no friends at work. Many people agreed, and one told me they'd been dismissed after things they'd shared with work friends over lunch reached the ears of management. That made me think. Some of my closest friendships, going back decades, began at work. But the workplaces where I made them were in the nineties, and I'm sure the workplaces people are describing now are very different places. Iโ€™ve been thinking about whatโ€™s changed. Having managed teams based all around the UK and worked in international teams, I've always believed in flexible working. I wouldn't want to go back to five days a week in the office, but I do wonder what we lose when we stop seeing each other every day: the kitchen conversation, the person who notices you're not yourself, the small moments over time that mean you can say something to a colleague and trust it to stay between you. Is it possible to replicate those trust-building moments in virtual or hybrid work patterns? Looking at the evidence, in the US, Gallup found that the [share of hybrid workers saying they had a best friend at work](https://www.fortune.com/2022/08/24/work-bff-more-important-than-ever-declining?ref=changeout.org) fell from 22% in 2019 to 17% in 2022\. Yet research for the British Red Cross found that [home workers were no lonelier than those working onsite](https://redcross.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/we-speak-up-for-change/loneliness-at-work?ref=changeout.org), and that contact with colleagues on its own isn't enough to prevent loneliness. So it isn't simply a question of where we sit. Perhaps what has been squeezed is the unplanned time, and that's where trust is built. My own workplaces have mostly been positive, and I've had a largely happy career. But I also know people in senior voluntary sector roles who burned out and had to leave. I'm now in a position to talk openly about that world because I'm not looking for a job in it any more. I can shine a light on things that other people can't afford to. The response to those three videos told me there was a real appetite for it, and it's why, ever since then, I've kept engaging with the experiences people have told me about and sharing them on my various platforms in the hope that things can change. To everyone who commented, thank you. --- Reading all those comments and realising how many people have nowhere safe to share whatโ€™s happening at work, is part of why I built The Changing Room. Itโ€™s an online community for those of you working through exactly these questions, with people outside your own organisation, so that nobody has to do it entirely on their own. I'm doing fortnightly Q&As in the community, the next one's on 28 October. You can join as a founder member and get the first three months FREE [here](https://changing-room.circle.so/join?invitation%5Ftoken=2d6c60e95a602520b857bc872abf02ea3888e074-8872725b-1ce7-41ba-aa68-3bb48a6e392d&ref=changeout.org). **What am I watching?** ๐Ÿ‘€ Here are those videos if you haven't seen them yet: [Ten Signs You're in a Toxic Workplace](https://youtu.be/Nhvv6oQ153w?ref=changeout.org) [Stuck in a Toxic Job? Try These 5 Strategies](https://youtu.be/7%5Fj%5FHqNGcn8?ref=changeout.org) [Fixing a Toxic Workplace, How Leaders Can Reset Culture](https://youtu.be/ZzA63Cmr0Ec?ref=changeout.org) **What am I listening to?๐Ÿ‘‚** I really enjoyed [I'm Not Broken, The World Isn't Built Right](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6wxMVBhMotGhDd2TP4daam?si=FhjFQz74Sg6ff9fi3pqNWg&ref=changeout.org), Anita Rani's interview with deaf actress and Strictly Come Dancing star, Rose Ayling-Ellis about navigating a world and industry that were not built with disability or deafness in mind. **Joy-giving things ๐Ÿ˜** I'm writing this from Glasgow which is one of my favourite cities. Each time I visit, I do enjoy seeing how many cones the Duke of Wellington is wearing . ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/57/d9/57d97f92-56a7-4c97-8c12-ac77d809cbf1/content/images/2026/10/IMG_8389.jpeg) Have a good weekend, everyone. If you've got a friend from a job long gone that you haven't spoken to for a while, send them a message. Lucy --- *I've been writing regular blogs since 2020\. If you want to have a look at my back catalogue, they are all* [*here*](https://www.changeout.org/tag/blog/)*.* *If you're wondering whether coaching might help you think through where you are and where you're going next,* [*I'd love to hear from you*](https://bit.ly/coachingwithlucywaitlist?ref=changeout.org)*.* *You can also find me on* [*Instagram*](https://www.instagram.com/lucycaldicott?ref=changeout.org)*,* [*Threads*](https://www.threads.com/@lucycaldicott?ref=changeout.org)*, and* [*LinkedIn*](https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucycaldicott/?ref=changeout.org)*.* *๐ŸŽฌ๐ŸŽฌ๐ŸŽฌ* [*YouTube*](https://www.youtube.com/@LucyOnLife?ref=changeout.org) *๐ŸŽฌ๐ŸŽฌ๐ŸŽฌ* If you like what you read and you'd like to show your appreciation in cash, you can do that [here](https://ko-fi.com/changeout?ref=changeout.org). I'd be very grateful!