Perfect is not the price of entry

I’ve been in three coaching conversations this week and I was struck by one theme which came up in each of them.

Not lack of ability. Not laziness. Not people “not trying hard enough”.
Perfectionism.

In each conversation, the person on my zoom screen was capable, thoughtful and doing work that mattered. And in each case, they were stuck. Circling a decision. Sitting on a piece of work. Holding back from the next step because it didn’t feel right.

There's a line in The Artist’s Way which has stayed with me:

“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough, that we should try again.”

This is something I see all the time. In others and in myself too.

People tell themselves they’ve failed because they’re not perfect. That inner critic scans a piece of work not for the 90 per cent that’s solid, thoughtful and skilful, but for the 10 per cent that might be criticised. That inner critic reviews a whole career to pick out the things that went wrong, not the long list of huge achievements that anyone else would know us for. That inner critic doesn’t just slow us down, it stops us altogether.

In the charity sector, perfectionism often disguises itself as care. The work matters, so the stakes feel even higher. People don’t want to get anything wrong and somewhere along the way, those high standards turn into fear.

I’ve been asking myself what a compassionate leader would do here. Not just for others, but for themselves.

I don't think that the answer is “push harder”. Instead it’s “lower the bar for starting”.

Not lowering the bar for values, integrity or impact. But lowering the bar for perfect.

One of my clients told me that she felt really worried if something in her life was only at 70% on her self-measurement ruler. I gently reminded her that 70% is First Class, or at least it was when I was at university.

Leadership isn’t about flawless delivery. It’s about movement. Learning as you go. Trying, adjusting, repairing. Doing the best you can with the information you have, and then doing better next time.

So if you’re feeling stuck right now, here’s a question worth sitting with:

What would change if “good enough” was allowed to count?

Maybe the thing you’re sitting on is already ready. Maybe the real risk isn’t doing something imperfectly. Maybe it’s never doing it at all.

Useful links 🔗

If perfectionism is something you recognise in yourself, Dr Kristin Neff’s work on self‑compassion is worth a look. There are free exercises on her website if you want somewhere to start.

Day of the Week 📆

It was Martin Luther King Jr day this week, celebrated in the US on the 3rd Monday of January. I was reading about the 15 year campaign to get a national holiday established in his honour.

What am I reading? 📚

It's never too late to begin again is Julia Cameron's book for those embarking on their "second act". I'm reading to see if it works for those of us approaching our fourth or fifth!

What am I watching? 👀

It's worth watching Roger Federer's Dartmouth commencement speech.

It's a masterclass in putting failure in perspective. Of all the points he played in his career, he only won 54%.

What am I listening to?👂

I've been listening to Beth Orton's Central Reservation this week, deservedly on the 1001 albums to listen to before you die list.

Joy-giving things 😍

It's getting lighter in the mornings!

Have a good weekend and keep going

Lucy

ChangeOut is created by Lucy Caldicott. You can find more about my work at ChangeOut.org. If you’re looking to have a chat about culture, leadership, purpose, equity, or a facilitated team discussion about any of those things, get in touch. You can also find me on Bluesky, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

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