The Language of Looking Away

Last week's newsletter looked at Malaysia's landmark decision to criminalise bullying, including psychological bullying, in its Penal Code. This week I want to stay with the theme but look at it from a different angle. Because the law is one thing. But what interests me just as much is the everyday language that lets bullying thrive long before anyone thinks about calling a lawyer.

For decades, these phrases have been used to excuse behaviour that causes real psychological harm. Behaviour that pushes good people out of work they love. Behaviour that, in the worst cases, makes people seriously unwell. Calling something "office politics" makes it sound inevitable. Just part of working life. Something to navigate rather than challenge. When we call it what it is, bullying, we create the possibility of actually doing something about it.

What really brought this home for me was the response to my YouTube video on "polite" bullying and gaslighting at work. To date it's had nearly 100,000 views and hundreds of comments. Hundreds of people from all over the world saying "this is exactly what's happening to me." People describing the kind of bullying that hides behind professionalism. The meeting you're excluded from. The email that subtly undermines you. The "feedback" that's really a put-down delivered with a smile. It seems polite and that's what makes it so dangerous.

So where are we in the UK?

Workplace bullying has been a grey area in UK employment law for some time. While harassment linked to protected characteristics is covered under the Equality Act 2010, employees who experience workplace bullying that falls outside of discrimination currently have no legal standing to make a claim.

There is movement, though. The Bullying and Respect at Work Bill is a Private Members' Bill introduced by York Central MP, Rachael Maskell.

The aim of the bill is to legally define what "workplace bullying" constitutes, enable claims to be considered by Employment Tribunals, and help to establish a Respect at Work Code with minimum conduct standards. It's worth keeping an eye on, even though Private Members' Bills face an uphill battle. The TUC reports that bullying is the second biggest workplace issue. Some 29% of workers will experience workplace bullying at some point, and one in 10 has experienced it in the past six months. That's not a few bad bosses here or there. That's systemic.

And if you're in the charity sector, where people pour their hearts into the work and often tolerate poor conditions because "the cause", I imagine the reality is as bad, if not worse.

What I'd love to happen

If you're a leader reading this, please don't wait for legislation to do the right thing. Look at your organisation's culture honestly. Ask yourself whether there are behaviours being tolerated because the person doing them is "brilliant" or "gets results" or "has always been like that." Ask whether people in your organisation feel genuinely safe to raise concerns. And if the answer is anything less than a confident yes, that's your starting point.

If you're someone experiencing this right now, please know: you're not imagining it. You're not being dramatic and you're not alone.

What am I reading? 📚

I wanted to give a shout out to Rosie Oldham who has published a really thoughtful blog on AI and ethics with a plea to all of us to think hard about the various negative impacts of these tools and to use them carefully. Thanks, Rosie!

What am I watching? 👀

We're enjoying Derry Girls' Lisa McGee's How to get to Heaven from Belfast at the moment.

What am I listening to?👂

Thank you to my colleague who shared this episode of BBC's The Bottom Line on how to deal with a workplace bully with me this week. It's a really good listen. I often direct people to ACAS web site for information and support, so it was good to hear from their Director of Dispute Resolution about what's going on in the workplace.

Joy-giving things 😍

We want to make jacket potatoes sexy again! Hooray! I'm not sure when jacket potatoes were sexy the first time but I do keep meaning to have a day out to Tamworth to visit the Spudman.

Have a good weekend, friends. Spring on Sunday 🌱

Lucy x

ChangeOut is created by Lucy Caldicott. You can find more about my work at ChangeOut.org.

If you’re looking to have a 1:1 chat about culture, leadership, purpose, equity, or a facilitated team discussion about any of those things, get in touch. You can also find me on Instagram, and LinkedIn.

🎬🎬🎬 YouTube 🎬🎬🎬

If you like what you read and you'd like to show your appreciation in cash, you can do that here. I'd be very grateful!