The paths taken and not taken

Thirty-five years ago this week, I walked through the doors of the old Amex House offices in Edward Street, Brighton, for the first time.

Armed with my degree in Spanish and French, I didn't have much idea of what I wanted to do with my language skills. I had thought about returning to Spain after my degree and working there for a while but when my brother, Richard, died three months before my final exams, I was looking for ways to have an international career without moving so far from home. I dutifully put in some hours in Manchester University’s Careers Office looking at information about the entry schemes at various international companies and was accepted onto American Express' graduate training scheme. 

The one year programme consisted of a range of training courses while rotating through four three-month placements in different departments. My roles were in International Fraud, Travellers Cheque Marketing (to banks), Customer Services, and Retail Marketing. The two marketing roles were based in Amex offices in Westminster, and I got a permanent role in one of those which eventually led to my relocation to London in 1992.

I can’t remember all of the different training topics during that year but by far the most terrifying was presentation skills. I can't remember ever having heard the word presentations until I started at Amex but the idea of any kind of public speaking or standing up in front of people saying words had always absolutely terrified me.  We had to give a presentation, standing in front of acetate slides which projected onto a screen behind you. The slides always seemed to start upside down which your audience would spot before you did - a long ago version of "you're on mute".

We were all videoed on VHS tape which was played back to the whole group for analysis. Yikes! All I remember about that day was the massive fear leading up to it and that I flapped my hands around a bit too much. On my video, which I got to keep but is now sadly lost, you couldn't really see my knee shaking and I didn't look as ridiculous as I felt inside.

Another recollection from that first year was my appraisal after my first three months where my manager told me I needed to speak more in meetings. I can’t remember how I responded to this feedback but I do remember observing in meetings that people spoke a lot without adding anything of value. I have never wanted to add empty noise.

We often talk about there being a path through life, as though our lives are something fixed that you move through. As I look back at a life that is increasingly behind me rather than in front of me I reflect on all the paths I could have taken, the one that led me to Brighton in September 1990 and the randomness of looking at employers listed alphabetically in a big book, the one that led me to marketing roles that gave me skills that came in very useful all my career, the one that took me to London for the next thirty years.

There are millions upon millions of different versions of our lives, each a product of the paths taken and not taken.

One path, taken 35 years ago, led me to the entrance door of that building in Brighton. It led into financial services and out again, eventually into the charity world. And now, it has brought me to what I'm doing today with ChangeOut and lots of possible, albeit shorter, futures.

I still don't speak in meetings when I've got nothing to say and when I'm doing a speech or presentation I always make sure I've got something to hold on to so I don't flap my hands about.

What am I reading? 📚

I've been reading about the extraordinary life of Christopher Hogwood, the Good, Good Pig. It's a very wholesome escape from these troubled times.

What am I watching? 👀

It was sad that Terence Stamp died a few weeks ago. One of his most famous roles is as Bernadette in "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" which is available on Iplayer at the moment.

What am I listening to?👂

Adam Christing is author of the book The Laughter Factor: The 5 Humor Tactics to Link, Lift, and Lead,

I listened to this interview with him this week about the pros and cons of leaders being funny at work. The cons are that you risk a David Brent's office prank goes wrong moment but the pros, he argues, are that humour is a shortcut to building trust and connection which are so important in leadership and that shared in jokes can build cohesion in teams. “It’s hard to be upset with a coworker or a colleague when you’re laughing together”

Joy-giving things 😍

Let's take three minutes to watch a monarch butterfly swarm as filmed by a special humming bird camera (or maybe two special humming bird cameras?)

Wishing you a great weekend

Lucy

PS I hardly dare say this out loud but I've branched out into making videos on YouTube. It started as a summer project. Very early days so far but I'm having fun. That presentation skills training still being put to good use!

If it’s your first time reading this newsletter, find out more about me here.

I write this newsletter because I believe in sharing ideas that help us work towards a truly equal world, particularly in the workplace.

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ChangeOut is created by Lucy Caldicott. You can find more about my work at ChangeOut.org. If you’re looking to have a chat about culture, leadership, purpose, equity, or a facilitated team discussion about any of those things, get in touch. You can also find me on Bluesky, Instagram, YouTube, and, LinkedIn.

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