The job is to coach the person, not the problem

Firstly, a very warm welcome to new subscribers. I'm so glad you're here.

Halfway through this year, I did something I'd been putting off since September. I "went live" on YouTube.

Up until that point, I'd been telling myself all sorts of reasons why not. I didn't have enough subscribers. No one would show up. I needed to prepare more content. I needed to wait till a milestone: 1000 subscribers, 10000, 20000. None of those was the reason. The real reason was that live means no second take, no tidying up the bits where I lose my thread. It means being on screen as I really am in that moment, not a polished version of myself recrafted afterwards. That's quite a frightening thing to do in front of a possible audience of billions. But this was the halfway point of a year I'd promised myself I'd stop hiding in, and a year since I first started my YouTube channel. The reason I wanted to do it was to take questions in real time from viewers and experiment with a new format that allows more interaction.

It turned out to be fine. Better than fine, actually. It was the fear beforehand that was the worst bit. I'm going to do it again this Sunday afternoon. Join me!

When I think about the fear, it's the same fear I've been thinking about a lot for a completely different piece of work. Part of my assignment for my Henley course was to write my own coaching philosophy, a manifesto, if you will. Thinking about it in enough depth to be able to put it into words rather than just doing it, made me notice something. Since I started the course I've learned and practised a range of coaching models: GROW, Gestalt, cognitive-behavioural approaches, systems-psychodynamic thinking. All of them are useful tools to understand but every time I've tried to stick closely to one, I found myself worrying more about performing the model correctly than about actually listening to the person in front of me. The model became the most important thing, rather than the client.

What I've kept coming back to, is that I want to be a coach in full service of my clients, not in service of a methodology. A few clients have asked me what kind of coach I am and I'm not really sure. I know that I draw on bits of different approaches depending on what someone brings up that day. People aren't problems waiting for the correct technique. They're whole, complicated, interesting people living whole, complicated, interesting lives, and the job of a coach is to meet them there. My mentor put it better than I have managed to: the job is to coach the person, not the problem.

I stopped being rigid about a fixed number or length of sessions for the same reason. I've had twenty minutes with someone that did more good than an hour might have. Most of the thirty or so people I've worked with since starting this programme have needed, more than anything, someone to listen to them intensely while they worked something out for themselves. Structure has its place. It creates safety, for the coach as much as the client. But I'd rather be ready and able to respond to what someone actually needs than fit them into a shape that happens to suit me.

The other element, and this one isn't up for negotiation, is cost. If the people who'd benefit most from proper thinking space, from someone genuinely listening, from the right question at the right moment, are also the people least able to pay for it, then something in the system has gone wrong. Equity was never something I bolted onto my business as an afterthought. It's in the roots of it, same as it's in the roots of everything else I do.

None of this coaching philosophy is finished. I expect it to keep shifting as I work with more people and learn more about myself in the room with them. But the thread running through it, and through hitting that go-live button for the first time, is the same one: stop trying to fill the space with performance, and trust that showing up properly is enough.

Now that I've submitted my written assignment to Henley Business School, I've got capacity to take on some more 1:1 coaching clients so please get in touch if this is something you're interested in. Either reply to this email or find out more here.

I'm also planning to open up an online community to offer mutual support and also group sessions so do let me know if that is of interest so I can make sure you're the first to know.

What am I reading? 📚

Michael Crick's book One Party After Another: The Disruptive Life of Nigel Farage, is an entertaining read and a fascinating case study for campaigners, whatever your political views.

What am I watching? 👀

We watched Project Hail Mary, which centred on a funny and moving collaboration between human and extraterrestrial. There's a leadership lesson in there somewhere about working with someone utterly unlike you.

What am I listening to?👂

Last weekend we had a day trip to London to see Scritti Politti at the Queen Elizabeth Hall as part of the 75 years of the South Bank Centre and 50 years of Rough Trade records celebration. Tyler Ballgame was the support. I love discovering new music.

Joy-giving things 😍

While we were there it would have been rude not to pop into the excellent Anish Kapoor exhibition and take photos of reflections of ourselves and take a look at art made with the infamous Vantablack. It was very black indeed.

Loved the rooftop sculptures and London views.

Wishing you all a great weekend,

Lucy

I've been writing regular blogs since 2020. If you want to go back and look, they are all here.

If you're wondering whether coaching might help you think through where you are and where you're going next, I'd love to hear from you.

You can also find me on Instagram, and LinkedIn.

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If you like what you read and you'd like to show your appreciation in cash, you can do that here. I'd be very grateful!