Working things out in public

My friend Zoë made a kind comment on one of my Instagram posts this week. She said she had so much respect for how I think out loud. "You say what you are."

I wrote back that thinking out loud is often the only way I can think, and it doesn't always do me any favours.

Thinking out loud in public is a funny thing to do, letting everyone see the messy middle, when you've no idea what you're going to write until you see it written. From the beginning this newsletter has been where I do that. A year ago I started turning my thoughts into videos for YouTube, and I'm applying the same approach to my coaching practice.

Part of my coursework assignment (due next month 🙀) at Henley Business School is to develop a coaching philosophy. I have to write it down and submit it as an appendix to my final assignment. No one needs to see it apart from the markers but I've always felt that people will want to know what kind of person is coaching them, so sharing my approach seems sensible to me and it'll probably end up as a page on my web site somewhere.

Here's where I've got to so far.

One thing I keep coming back to is trying to be a coach in full service of my clients. Not in service of a model. In the course, we've learned a lot about different models of coaching, such as GROW, Gestalt, Cognitive-Behavioural, Systems-Psychodynamic, you get the picture. What I found when we practised them was that sticking to set models got in the way. I was worrying more about performing the model than what the client was telling me. I think I'd prefer to pick and choose elements of them depending on what the client brings on the day. This is partly just the way I've always been, never very good at sticking to a script, but it's also something I've thought a lot about in relation to my coaching. People aren't problems to be solved by a particular technique. They are whole, complicated, interesting people with whole, complicated, interesting situations. The job is to meet them there. The job, as I was reminded by my mentor this week, is to coach the person, not the problem.

Also, I really don't want to set out in advance the number or length of sessions I offer. I've worked with people for 20 minutes and it's been really effective. I've also worked effectively with people for a series of hour-long sessions. It really depends. That sounds obvious but it isn't always obvious in practice. The coaching world, like a lot of professional worlds, likes structure and packages and diagrams and defined deliverables. I understand why. Structure creates safety, for the coach as much as the client. But I'm not sure "six sessions and a follow-up call" is what most of the people I work with actually need. Most of the 30+ people I've worked with since I began the course have needed someone to listen intensely to them while they figure things out.

Another of the things I'm committed to is not letting cost be a barrier. This is about my values. If the people who would most benefit from proper thinking space, from someone genuinely listening, from being asked the right question at the right time, are the ones least able to afford it, then something has gone wrong. I don't want to run a practice that's accessible only to people whose organisations already have a budget for it. Equity has never been something I bolt on to my work. It's in the very roots.

None of this is fully formed yet. It will keep shifting as I work with more clients, as I learn more about myself as a coach. That's the point, really. This is me thinking out loud, writing towards something rather than describing a place I've already arrived at.

What am I reading? 📚

Leymah Gbowee is a Liberian peace activist who led the women's non-violent peace movement during the civil war in Liberia in the early 2000s and was awarded the Nobel peace prize in 2011. I've just read her book, Mighty be our powers

The work is hard. The immensity of what needs to be done is discouraging. But you look at communities that are struggling on a daily basis. They keep on and in the eyes of the people there, you are a symbol of hope. And so you, too, must keep on. You are not at liberty to give up.

Let's hold on to the fact that our powers are mighty.

What am I watching? 👀

The Duffer Brothers' The Boroughs. Stranger Things but with OAPs fighting the monsters. Yes.

What am I listening to?👂

Third Sector's podcast last week covered the use of what's known as "lawfare", using threats of legal action to attack charities and their work. A very troubling development.

Joy-giving things 😍

I love these roses and poppies in someone's front garden round the corner.

Happy weekend to all

Lucy

ChangeOut is created by Lucy Caldicott. You can find more about my work at ChangeOut.org.

If you're a purpose-driven professional wondering whether coaching might help you think through where you are and where you're heading, I'd love to hear from you. Express your interest here.

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