You are not the only one who feels like this

Looking for a new job is lonely. If you’re in work, you have to keep your job hunt a secret from your colleagues and your boss. If you’re not, you probably spend a lot of time alone, feeling like you’re the only one who’s failing.

This week I found myself in two conversations about those feelings. The first was a webinar for people looking for their next leadership role. My colleague, Anna Gardet, a senior recruitment consultant, focused on the practicalities: how to work with recruiters, how to make your CV and cover letter as strong as they can be, how to prepare for an interview, and what to do to give yourself the best chance of getting through the process. I talked about how all this actually feels. The loneliness, the shame, and the notion that everybody else has this stuff sorted.

I think how you feel matters as much as the practical bits. You can have the best application in the country and still be conveying those feelings in every email you send. It was good to be sharing a screen with Anna, someone who understands both the system and truly cares for the people trying to navigate it. We're doing two more of these webinars, see below for details to register.

Later the same day I ran the latest Q&A in the Changing Room, and job search came up again. One of the themes we explored was where people start. When we lose a job, or leave one, or simply know it is time to move on, the first instinct is very often to look for a version of the same job again, or whatever looks like the obvious next rung on the ladder. It feels sensible and it feels like the right thing to do, and it is a very understandable place to begin.

When I work with people one to one, I try to encourage them to explore options beyond that. Because the thing I've often thought about careers is that when you look back at your own, you can see the one path. It might look a bit untidy but it probably also looks like progression. It might even look inevitable. This job led to that one, which led to the next. But when you are looking ahead, there is no single path at all. There are dozens, most of which you cannot see yet, because you don't even know they exist. Nobody sees the roles they have never heard of, the ones that that might very well make use of what they know and the skills they have. I’ve written about this before, in a piece about the paths I took and the ones I didn’t.

That is why the starting point matters so much. If you begin by asking “what is the next job like my last job?”, you will find exactly that, and nothing else. If you begin by asking what you are good at, what you love, what type of people you like to be surrounded by, and what you would want your days to be filled with, the map gets a lot bigger.

If you are looking for a job at the moment, please know that you are not alone in feeling your feelings. Someone yesterday shared that they felt "depleted" and I think that is a very good word for what a job hunt does to you. While you're looking, though, maybe take a bit of time to consider what you'd look for if your starting point was somewhere different than the job you have just left?

Useful links 🔗

Anna and I are running these free career conversations sessions again in December and January. Details here.

What am I reading? 📚

I'm enjoying The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna as part of my mission not to spend all my reading time in heavy non-fiction.

What am I watching? 👀

I'm really enjoying Celebrity Race Across The World again. This time they're travelling from Borneo to Melbourne. More holidays to dream about.

What am I listening to?👂

After all my Duran Duran adventures last month, it's been very upsetting to hear that their wonderful drummer Roger Taylor is retiring following his tinnitus diagnosis. Duran world is feeling very sad today. I was only watching this interview with him and John Taylor the other day. Brummie legends and fellow Villa fans both.

Joy-giving things 😍

Allow me the self-indulgence of sharing the picture of the time I was at the O2 in 2008, yelled Roger and managed to catch his drumstick one-handed.

Have a great weekend

Lucy

I've been writing regular blogs since 2020. If you want to have a look at my back catalogue, they are all here.

If you'd like to work with me 1:1 or if you're organising an event and you're looking for a speaker, or anything else you think I can help with, have a look at what I do here and contact me in the linked forms. I'd love to hear from you.

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